Well, well, well.
Friday night i did a terrible thing, and i can barely remember any of it.
I got home from work, relaxed on the couch with a few beers, one of R's friends was coming over so i asked him if we could go to feed my sisters cat and get some dinner once he got there, he agreed. Friend got here, they went out the back, i flipped out because they took too long. To be honest, my memory of the events went like this: 2 seconds of R and Friend at the door, me yelling something, no idea what, then i was in the hallway and 2 police officers were coming towards me while i told them to fuck off. Then it's all just very scattered flashes of me screaming at them and then patting J to calm me down. They told me there was an ambulance coming for me and then when it didnt come, they called for 2 more cops with a divi van to come and take me.. in the end they let R take me. Hospital said they didn't have to admit me if R thought he could look after me.. I had calmed down a bit by now but for some reason i got upset again and started kicking the roof and somehow R stopped and got out of the car and started driving really fast towards parked cars and slamming my breaks on just in time. At some point during this R punched my windscreen and it's now got two massive spiderweb like cracks in it.. Both our phones went flat but i saw our friend C pull up to help us, i drove to my sisters because i still had to feed her cat and i needed to go somewhere to calm down. I got there, fed the cat, sat down, and snapped back to reality. I put my phone on charge and R called, he came around and we spent the day talking. Turns out i have been throwing these fits for our entire relationship BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THEM?? How is that possible? How can my mind completely blank out large chunks of my memory?
Anyway, i was meant to see my psychologist this week but i got my appointment day mixed up so i've rescheduled for next Wednesday. R was going to come with me but i don't think he can now and i'm scared to tell her.. but i guess it only backs up my need to be assessed by a psychiatrist. I just want this all to be over.
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