Water: 5 Glasses - 1750ml
Breakfast:
1 x Up & Go - Banana - 3p
Morning Tea:
13 x Crackers - 1.5p
1 X Ski Double Up - Mixed Berry - 3.5p
Lunch:
1 x Prawn Salad - 4p
Dinner:
4 x Slices Thin Crust Pepperoni Pizza - 8p
2 x Low Carb Beers - 3p
2 Whiskey & Cokes - 5p
= 28p
Thursday, 29 September 2011
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
how to claculate your points.
male - 8 pts
female - 2 pts
age:
17-26 - 4 pts
27-37 - 3 pts
38-47 - 2 pts
48-58 - 1 pt
over 58 - 0 pts
use the first 2 digits of your weight - for example - if you weigh 175 then use 17 pts
if you spend most of your day:
sitting down - 0 pts
occasionaly sitting but mostly standing - 1 pt
walking most of the time - 2 pts
doing physical work most of the time - 3 pts
add all your numbers up and you get your daily points allowance! :)
you also get an additional 35 points to use through out the week however you want - you can use them all at once or spread them out over the week :)
BUT this would mean that i get 20 points per day and if i spread out the additional 35 points over the week, i get 25 per day.. in short, i'm sticking to my 21 points per day and if i go over, then i do, but i'll make sure now to go over the 20 points per day by 35 points in total per week.
And for yesterday:
Tuesday 27th September
Water: 5 Glasses 1750ml
Breakfast:
1 x Fried Egg - 2p
1 x Glass of Orange Juice - 1p
Morning Tea:
1 x Ski Double Up - Muesli - 3.7p
13 x Seaweed Crackers - 1.5p
Lunch:
1 x Frozen Meal - 5.5
Dinner:
1 x Prawn Salad w/ Dressing - 4p
4 x Low-Carb Beers - 6p
Supper:
2 x White Toast w/ Olive Butter - 4p
= 27.7p
female - 2 pts
age:
17-26 - 4 pts
27-37 - 3 pts
38-47 - 2 pts
48-58 - 1 pt
over 58 - 0 pts
use the first 2 digits of your weight - for example - if you weigh 175 then use 17 pts
if you spend most of your day:
sitting down - 0 pts
occasionaly sitting but mostly standing - 1 pt
walking most of the time - 2 pts
doing physical work most of the time - 3 pts
add all your numbers up and you get your daily points allowance! :)
you also get an additional 35 points to use through out the week however you want - you can use them all at once or spread them out over the week :)
BUT this would mean that i get 20 points per day and if i spread out the additional 35 points over the week, i get 25 per day.. in short, i'm sticking to my 21 points per day and if i go over, then i do, but i'll make sure now to go over the 20 points per day by 35 points in total per week.
And for yesterday:
Tuesday 27th September
Water: 5 Glasses 1750ml
Breakfast:
1 x Fried Egg - 2p
1 x Glass of Orange Juice - 1p
Morning Tea:
1 x Ski Double Up - Muesli - 3.7p
13 x Seaweed Crackers - 1.5p
Lunch:
1 x Frozen Meal - 5.5
Dinner:
1 x Prawn Salad w/ Dressing - 4p
4 x Low-Carb Beers - 6p
Supper:
2 x White Toast w/ Olive Butter - 4p
= 27.7p
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
engagement dress?
Haven't ditched the idea of wearing a pin up 50's style dress to my engagement but i saw this and fell in love.. any thoughts?
Monday, 26 September 2011
Dinner.
Prawn, lettuce, onion, olive and mushroom salad with Japanese lemon and wasabi mayo, delicious and approx 2.5-4 points.. Not too sure how many points the mayo added.
26.09.11
I'm kind of starting the weight watchers diet thingyo.. Might try the attack phase of the duken diet eventually too.. Would like to loose some weight before the engagement. So here goes, p stands for points.
Breakfast:
1 x Ski Double Up - Mixed Berries - 3.5p
Morning Tea:
6 x Crackers with Cream Cheese and Salmon - 2.5p
1 x 500ml Can of Monster - 3.5p
Lunch:
1 x Frozen Meal - 6p
Afternoon Tea:
13 x Seaweed Crackers - 1.5p
Dinner:
10 x King Prawns w/ Salad - 2.5p
= 19.5
My aim is 21p per day.. So now let's ruin it with a few beers at 5p each :P
edit: beers are only 1.5-2p!
Breakfast:
1 x Ski Double Up - Mixed Berries - 3.5p
Morning Tea:
6 x Crackers with Cream Cheese and Salmon - 2.5p
1 x 500ml Can of Monster - 3.5p
Lunch:
1 x Frozen Meal - 6p
Afternoon Tea:
13 x Seaweed Crackers - 1.5p
Dinner:
10 x King Prawns w/ Salad - 2.5p
= 19.5
My aim is 21p per day.. So now let's ruin it with a few beers at 5p each :P
edit: beers are only 1.5-2p!
Thursday, 22 September 2011
22.09.11
Thursday. I woke up this morning thinking today was Friday.. unfortunately i've still got one more morning to wake up sleepy and hit the snooze button 10 times over. I find that once you get out of bed and into the shower, the worst part of the day is over, so technically i count that as a day over.. Of course sometimes then the day drags really bad, especially on a Friday.
Very much looking forward to this weekend..
Friday night our friend D is coming over for a few drinks and catch ups, not having a big one, that's for sure.
Saturday morning i plan to get up early and do lots of loads of washing :P
R wants to do a cashie so hopefully he does that and i've got a special dog thingy on in the afternoon. For those who don't know, the Victorian government have passed stupid laws that basically state that if your dog looks like a "Pitbull" then it is a "Pitbull" and if you don't have it registered as such after the 30th of September, they can seize your dog and put it down. I've been campaigning online against these laws as i have an unpapered American Staffy who probably does have Pitbull bloodlines (they're essentially the same breed, just different bloodlines), so i'm at a high risk of having my baby put down.. and you guys know how much my boy means to me!! So anyhow, it would seem that my hardwork has paid off, i got an invite to a private meeting set up by the Victorian American Staffordshire Club and the National Dog Trainers Association.. places were limited and i've got a spot! They've got a lawyer talking who has big history of dog legislation so his insight will be amazing! And i can then go forth with this information and educate others. Really looking forward to this, but totally freaking out because i'm not used to facing things on my own.. R can't come with me because he's working and also because there was only limited places, i was just lucky to have been noticed to have been offered a place. Don't know if it will save my dog, but hopefully we can work together to get these laws over turned!!
All of this dog stuff has been stressing me out like a mother fucker.. I've had to take a few steps back until i can face it on the weekend.. work's also been shit.. i feel like i'm not coping right now and i just want to see my doctor. i have to keep a CBT diary but i'm slack.
Going to sleep now, don't want to face things.
Fuck life, fuck it all.
Fuck life, fuck it all.
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
21.09.11
I find it amazing how quickly things can fall apart right in front of you, all it takes is one small weakness and the entire structure collapses in the blink of an eye. Too much time and energy is wasted on blaming others and only causes more pain. The path to happiness begins with collecting the pieces that are still intact and building something even better.
Monday, 12 September 2011
12.09.11
I like comments.
Give me attention!
BEEEEEEEEEEP!!! BEEP!
I'm in a very attention seeking mood and it's only being made worse by the fact that NO ONE IS ONLINE ENTERTAINING ME!1`12q1iwu
Give me attention!
BEEEEEEEEEEP!!! BEEP!
I'm in a very attention seeking mood and it's only being made worse by the fact that NO ONE IS ONLINE ENTERTAINING ME!1`12q1iwu
Sunday, 11 September 2011
11.09.11
I think i finally have to come to terms with the fact that i need to wear my glasses much more often than i do.. When watching TV, using the laptop, driving.. perhaps just all the time. I love them dearly but they're uncomfortable when lying down on the couch or something. BLEH.
Rewind back to my last blog entry, i had had my psychologist appointment but hadn't explained anything. Arrived late, as always (me NOT being late is rare), went in and told her about the big incident, although after we got talking, it became obvious that that incident was just as bad as all the other incidents, it's just that the cops got called which escalated things. She told me she was worried and i'd have to start a CBT diary and that because i didn't do it last time, i'd have to wait to be booked in for a psychiatric assessment but that it would probably be necessary. CBT stands for "cognitive behaviour therapy" and it basically means that you have to try and remember the thoughts you think before you express an emotion, in my case, anger and anxiety. The anxiety i can do, i get that tightness in my chest and pressure in my head a lot, i can usually remember my actions and thoughts and control myself whilst in this state, but the anger, that's a whole different ball game. As hard as it is to imagine (even i have no idea how it's possible), i completely blank out large chunks of what's happened when i get angry, there's no way i can remember my leading-up-to-outburst thoughts! If i could, it would be easier to control it, but there's very few times that i get very angry and live to remember the details. I remember flashbacks and the moment i snap back to reality, but i often wear myself out, fall asleep and wake up and not even remember what the argument was about, so this task is going to be next to impossible. I've at least tried though, put in a few entries, road rage, anxiety, a small burst of anger, nothing extraordinary though, nothing that is worrying.. so i don't know if this is going to help, BUT she wants me to do it, so i'd better.
After my appointment i went to visit my friend T, she was staying in the city for work training. Met up with a few of the guys from GC too (previous employment) and we ate wedges and bread w/ dips. Pretty average but the company was great, loved catching up with everyone and hopefully cheering T up a bit. :)
Went to drive home and realised i didn't have enough cash in my wallet for parking, it was $18!! I went up to the car because i knew there was some change in there, i was only $1.50 short. Drove down to the pay station, put the money in and realised it was asking for an extra $10!!! WHAT THE HELL? I must have just ticked over to the next hour, RIDICULOUS. Anyhow, it said it accepted bankcard, it didn't.. i started freaking out. Called R and told him i didn't know what to do. ANXIETY RISING. He tells me to find an ATM, i tell him there isn't one nearby, that's almost true, the carpark was pretty far from the hotel, and i was now crying and unreasonable and didn't want to bump into my friends in that state. R then suggested i get into a taxi and get them to drive me to an ATM, but that would have made me worse! By now i'm panicing pretty hard, something i'm pretty good at doing is avoiding situations where things like this can happen, i almost cancelled on T because i don't want things like this happening and it's easier just to avoid than to risk it! But i didn't because deep down i know that i have to grow up and be independent at some point.. R is usually with me if we're doing something outside the norm and i've definitely become far too comfortable with that.. i feel odd and nervous doing something without him being there to save me when things go wrong. BAD BAD BAD, i love him dearly for it but i know he won't always be there when i need him.
The rest of the week went pretty smoothly, no anger outbursts AND i'm loosing weight. loveeeeeely :)
This weekend was filled with cleaning and movies and lots of beer with R, it was nice to have a quiet anti social weekend for once, and i'm sure i'll feel better through the week for it.
Next appointment is the 27th of September, lets see if i can avoid any incidents between now and then.
Also, buying R a GoPro camera for his birthday i think.. failing that a Huffy Slider or a proper slot car thingy.. he wants all 3, so i'll just have to see what i can afford. Thankfully he can't read this :P
Slaters bitches. <3
Rewind back to my last blog entry, i had had my psychologist appointment but hadn't explained anything. Arrived late, as always (me NOT being late is rare), went in and told her about the big incident, although after we got talking, it became obvious that that incident was just as bad as all the other incidents, it's just that the cops got called which escalated things. She told me she was worried and i'd have to start a CBT diary and that because i didn't do it last time, i'd have to wait to be booked in for a psychiatric assessment but that it would probably be necessary. CBT stands for "cognitive behaviour therapy" and it basically means that you have to try and remember the thoughts you think before you express an emotion, in my case, anger and anxiety. The anxiety i can do, i get that tightness in my chest and pressure in my head a lot, i can usually remember my actions and thoughts and control myself whilst in this state, but the anger, that's a whole different ball game. As hard as it is to imagine (even i have no idea how it's possible), i completely blank out large chunks of what's happened when i get angry, there's no way i can remember my leading-up-to-outburst thoughts! If i could, it would be easier to control it, but there's very few times that i get very angry and live to remember the details. I remember flashbacks and the moment i snap back to reality, but i often wear myself out, fall asleep and wake up and not even remember what the argument was about, so this task is going to be next to impossible. I've at least tried though, put in a few entries, road rage, anxiety, a small burst of anger, nothing extraordinary though, nothing that is worrying.. so i don't know if this is going to help, BUT she wants me to do it, so i'd better.
After my appointment i went to visit my friend T, she was staying in the city for work training. Met up with a few of the guys from GC too (previous employment) and we ate wedges and bread w/ dips. Pretty average but the company was great, loved catching up with everyone and hopefully cheering T up a bit. :)
Went to drive home and realised i didn't have enough cash in my wallet for parking, it was $18!! I went up to the car because i knew there was some change in there, i was only $1.50 short. Drove down to the pay station, put the money in and realised it was asking for an extra $10!!! WHAT THE HELL? I must have just ticked over to the next hour, RIDICULOUS. Anyhow, it said it accepted bankcard, it didn't.. i started freaking out. Called R and told him i didn't know what to do. ANXIETY RISING. He tells me to find an ATM, i tell him there isn't one nearby, that's almost true, the carpark was pretty far from the hotel, and i was now crying and unreasonable and didn't want to bump into my friends in that state. R then suggested i get into a taxi and get them to drive me to an ATM, but that would have made me worse! By now i'm panicing pretty hard, something i'm pretty good at doing is avoiding situations where things like this can happen, i almost cancelled on T because i don't want things like this happening and it's easier just to avoid than to risk it! But i didn't because deep down i know that i have to grow up and be independent at some point.. R is usually with me if we're doing something outside the norm and i've definitely become far too comfortable with that.. i feel odd and nervous doing something without him being there to save me when things go wrong. BAD BAD BAD, i love him dearly for it but i know he won't always be there when i need him.
The rest of the week went pretty smoothly, no anger outbursts AND i'm loosing weight. loveeeeeely :)
This weekend was filled with cleaning and movies and lots of beer with R, it was nice to have a quiet anti social weekend for once, and i'm sure i'll feel better through the week for it.
Next appointment is the 27th of September, lets see if i can avoid any incidents between now and then.
Also, buying R a GoPro camera for his birthday i think.. failing that a Huffy Slider or a proper slot car thingy.. he wants all 3, so i'll just have to see what i can afford. Thankfully he can't read this :P
Slaters bitches. <3
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
07.09.11
God damn I bruise easily, just knocked my leg on a corner of my bed, walked into the hallway to get something, turned on the light and there was already a purply lump on my leg :(
Today wasn't great, I'll explain tomorrow, I'm actually exhausted right now.
Goodnight.
Today wasn't great, I'll explain tomorrow, I'm actually exhausted right now.
Goodnight.
11:45am 07.09.11
I have a gigantic pimple sore thingy on my chin, it sucks!
Going to see my psychologist again today, first time since the incident so i'm totally freaking out about telling her.
Didn't go to work because i have a cold and i used that to disguise my anxiety about my appointment. :(
Going to visit a friend afterwards for bread and dip and catch ups :)
Going to see my psychologist again today, first time since the incident so i'm totally freaking out about telling her.
Didn't go to work because i have a cold and i used that to disguise my anxiety about my appointment. :(
Going to visit a friend afterwards for bread and dip and catch ups :)
Friday, 2 September 2011
29.08.11 - revisited
Well, well, well.
Friday night i did a terrible thing, and i can barely remember any of it.
I got home from work, relaxed on the couch with a few beers, one of R's friends was coming over so i asked him if we could go to feed my sisters cat and get some dinner once he got there, he agreed. Friend got here, they went out the back, i flipped out because they took too long. To be honest, my memory of the events went like this: 2 seconds of R and Friend at the door, me yelling something, no idea what, then i was in the hallway and 2 police officers were coming towards me while i told them to fuck off. Then it's all just very scattered flashes of me screaming at them and then patting J to calm me down. They told me there was an ambulance coming for me and then when it didnt come, they called for 2 more cops with a divi van to come and take me.. in the end they let R take me. Hospital said they didn't have to admit me if R thought he could look after me.. I had calmed down a bit by now but for some reason i got upset again and started kicking the roof and somehow R stopped and got out of the car and started driving really fast towards parked cars and slamming my breaks on just in time. At some point during this R punched my windscreen and it's now got two massive spiderweb like cracks in it.. Both our phones went flat but i saw our friend C pull up to help us, i drove to my sisters because i still had to feed her cat and i needed to go somewhere to calm down. I got there, fed the cat, sat down, and snapped back to reality. I put my phone on charge and R called, he came around and we spent the day talking. Turns out i have been throwing these fits for our entire relationship BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THEM?? How is that possible? How can my mind completely blank out large chunks of my memory?
Anyway, i was meant to see my psychologist this week but i got my appointment day mixed up so i've rescheduled for next Wednesday. R was going to come with me but i don't think he can now and i'm scared to tell her.. but i guess it only backs up my need to be assessed by a psychiatrist. I just want this all to be over.
Friday night i did a terrible thing, and i can barely remember any of it.
I got home from work, relaxed on the couch with a few beers, one of R's friends was coming over so i asked him if we could go to feed my sisters cat and get some dinner once he got there, he agreed. Friend got here, they went out the back, i flipped out because they took too long. To be honest, my memory of the events went like this: 2 seconds of R and Friend at the door, me yelling something, no idea what, then i was in the hallway and 2 police officers were coming towards me while i told them to fuck off. Then it's all just very scattered flashes of me screaming at them and then patting J to calm me down. They told me there was an ambulance coming for me and then when it didnt come, they called for 2 more cops with a divi van to come and take me.. in the end they let R take me. Hospital said they didn't have to admit me if R thought he could look after me.. I had calmed down a bit by now but for some reason i got upset again and started kicking the roof and somehow R stopped and got out of the car and started driving really fast towards parked cars and slamming my breaks on just in time. At some point during this R punched my windscreen and it's now got two massive spiderweb like cracks in it.. Both our phones went flat but i saw our friend C pull up to help us, i drove to my sisters because i still had to feed her cat and i needed to go somewhere to calm down. I got there, fed the cat, sat down, and snapped back to reality. I put my phone on charge and R called, he came around and we spent the day talking. Turns out i have been throwing these fits for our entire relationship BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THEM?? How is that possible? How can my mind completely blank out large chunks of my memory?
Anyway, i was meant to see my psychologist this week but i got my appointment day mixed up so i've rescheduled for next Wednesday. R was going to come with me but i don't think he can now and i'm scared to tell her.. but i guess it only backs up my need to be assessed by a psychiatrist. I just want this all to be over.
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