I think it's been this way for a long time but more so recently, since i've been given the responsibility of our biggest customer at my full time job. I can't seem to relax when i'm there because i always feel like i'm forgetting to do something, the stress can't be good for me. I do feel like i'm slowly catching up but i'm still behind, but thankfully, everyone seems to feel the same.
I enjoy my second job because it's work without stress! And i get to catch up with a few people i've become friends with and i get to boss little kids around, hehehe. People think i'm crazy for working so much but i like to keep busy and strangely the second job is actually a stress reliever.
As a consequence of the first job, life at home has also been hectic, well it hasn't, but it's felt like it has been.. Anxieeety is LAME, and it's made me really adgitated and short. Poor R has put up with lots of crazy me lately but thankfully we're working through it and i'm getting better. I guess this would point to the Valdoxan not working as well as it should BUT i don't think that's the case, it just works on different things.. My gum picking has almost stopped, in the past 20 years that has been a HUGE problem of mine, i've done it for as long as i can remember.. as i talk about this it makes me want to do it, UGH, but i think it's been about a month since i last did it, which is excellent! I used to do it every day or two, so, amazing.
And today i got a flat tyre a few minutes after starting the drive to work, normally i would have freaked out and screamed and not known what to do, but instead, i calmly called R, then called a taxi and went to work and i was only 3 minutes late.. i didn't even cry! I was so proud of myself :)
But my general anxiety is a bit shit, probably fuelled by the stress, but there is no effing way that i'm going on an SSRI or SNRI again, i might ask if i can get a low dosage benzo to take at night which will have a flow on effect during the day, just for when my chest hurts really bad.
The dex has been great, i don't "feel" them anymore, but they are definitely there working, helping me concentrate, toning down my crazy hyperactive self etc. I cut back some days just because i don't really need to be focussed 100% of the time, i think this will help with tolerance in the end.
In other news.. Life has been grand otherwise.
We have picked our wedding date, 14-03-14.
A long while away but still exciting!
I've even picked my shoes! :)
